IKEA, you stink!

Dear IKEA,

Thank you so much for being completely useless and undedicated to customer service. I'm not sure how you have actually survived this long in the good 'ol United States of America where the customers have the divinely given right to a working product which meets their needs, or at least BASIC QUALITY STANDARDS.

A month, and a seemingly endless upstream battle of phone calls and unreturned phone messages later I am left exactly where I was a month ago. I am still missing vital parts of the slip cover for my couch. And I still have two completely non-functional, and therefore worthless, drawers.

To the customer service rep who thought that she was being helpful by shipping the wrong parts, I say, thank you so much for your good intentions. Unfortunately, I cannot stitch them together and use them as a makeshift couch cover. They are completely useless...unlike, say the BOTTOM CUSHION COVERS I have requested over and over again.

Stop wasting my valuable time. For all of the time which has been spent in ridiculous conversation with you and your brainless dullards masquerading as customer service reps, I could have purchased a much more expensive and higher-quality couch that would have been delivered to my house with nary a hassle.

Send me those f&*%^$% cushion covers NOW or else I will just have to 1) return the couch, and 2) invoice you for the costs associated with hiring someone to pick up and return said couch.

Don't make me take you to People's Court. And, even more importantly, don't rest on your laurels and assume that I won't bother. Because this is one pissed off customer...who also happens to have a secret fondness for The People's Court and it's method of daytime justice dispensation.

Sincerely,
One Supremely Pissed Off Customer
AKA Ms. Crafty

I'm a submarine captain

For all of you Seinfeld fans out there, today was a big day in my downtown SF work history. I finally earned my FREE SANDWICH from Specialty's.



I like to call this particular sandwich the "sugar sandwich". Perhaps because every single one of it's all-natural and yet delicious ingredients immediately turn to sugar in your bloodstream as soon as you swallow. It's truly an amazing sandwich.

Peanut butter, granny smith apple slices, banana slices, and whole cranberry sauce nestled between two delicious pillows of whole wheat.

This is my favorite sandwich--ever. Like, totally for sure.

Also, it's not too pricey which means you can supplement your sugar sandwich with a side of delilcious semi-sweet cookie and it's all FREE.

Bwah ha ha.

Something finished, finally.

Here it is, folks. The cowl-neck sweater from last Spring's Vogue Knitting. (At least I think it was last spring...I'm still looking for my box of craft mags after the move...)


Voila!



See, I really can finish something on occasion.

The best part is that it fits! After that last sweater fiasco (the Marilyn which slides right off of my shoulders and onto the floor under its own weight) I am relieved to say with authority that i can knit something that fits. Yay.

"Just finish something already!"

That's a quote from my dear friend Warren from last week's Monday night knitting. Yes, I have KDD. I have bags of sweaters that I knitted all of the pieces to and was just entirely too lazy to bother sewing them together. That, and I have gotten so lazy that I haven't even bothered to weave in ends. I was wearing around a scarf with threads dangling every which way, and I think it sent poor Warren over the edge. So, Warren, this entry is for you.

Even after Janis was generous enough to give me a quick, intensive seaming crash course. I couldn't be bothered. Or, maybe I was aftraid. Seams can make or break a sweater--I mean you spend so much time knitting the pieces and so much money on the yarn. But, today I decided Warren was right--it was high time I finished something...anything...

So, I sewed up a sweater from a past Vogue Knitting made in Rowan calmer. It's a lovely cowlneck spring sweater. I meant to finish it last spring, but better late than never. I worked on those seams all day...and I just have to sew the collar on and block it.

Pics to come tomorrow, when the sun is out!

Now, what should I finish tomorrow? I've got quite a list:

clapotis - unravelling ladders and weaving in ends

ruffle scarf - weaving in ends

pink cable hat - still some knitting to be done, then seaming

amelie shrug - seaming, need a button

double-knitting scarf - lots and lots 'o knitting

hat for G - need to start

sweaters for the nieces - also need to start

baby jackson's cable sweater - need to mail it

Any votes?

No longer an IKEA fan

Dear IKEA,

While in the past I have always been your #1 fan, we are now at odds with one another. This past weekend I purchased quite a bit of furniture from one of your stores. I even hired a fellow with a truck so that I could get said furniture home and experience instant satisfaction and gratification.

Imagine how utterly disappointed I was when one thing after another went horribly, horribly wrong. You forgot to put three bottom slipcovers for my couch inside the factory sealed bag. You drilled the holes improperly in the extremely heavy wooden entertainment center which was spread out all over my living room. You forgot to include the correct hardware for the drawers in said entertainment center, and you forgot to have the right routing done on those drawers.

When we called you to discuss such matters, you first told us to bring everything back to the store. As if returning a couch is an actual option. You then promised to call within 48 hours to resolve the situation.

You didn't call.

I called you again (days later), and your department which handles these matters was closed. You finally called and we finally reached an accord--that you would ship the missing parts and they should arrive within 7-10 business days. I have to say that I find this unacceptable--have you ever heard of overnight shipping?

It breaks my heart that we must part in this manner. In the past when others complained about assembling their own furniture and missing parts I was always your staunch advocate. "I have never had a problem." I'd say. "Are you sure you read the directions properly?"

I'm sorry to say that I can no longer be the defender of you--the original affordable good design for all company. Your complete inattention to my needs and your insensitive demands have ruined our relationship--permanently.

You cannot win me back.

I'll miss your designs and your delicious meatball plate, but it isn't enough of a reason for us to stay together.

Good luck in your future endeavors. I wish you well. Better luck with your next customer.

Sincerely,
Ms. Crafty

Thunder, lightning, and snow...in san francisco...

I'm not crazy. I swear. It is SNOWING in San Francisco. Okay, it's probably really little tiny hail, but it's close enough. Close enough, I say! It is icy, cold, and can be used to create small icy projectiles...need I say more?

An open letter to cog #572

For goodness sake, when you are eating a lunch of pureed boiled cabbage and boiled eggs, please for the love of jeebus take that stinkfest up to the cafeteria. Don't pollute my tiny cube area with your stink. Show some compassion for the super smellers among us. Pardon me while I throw up in my mouth a little. Ugh.

Sincerely,
Cog #436

Snowboarding isn't just for kids

...but maybe it should be. I spent this past weekend in Tahoe with G, KB, and her BF. We had a great time. Chatted and rocked out on our drive up there--it was simply gorgeous. The forests were amazing and the cabin we rented in South Lake Tahoe was adorable.



I mean, it's totally the wave of the future--microhousing. Anyway, it was well appointed and we had a fabulous first night. Then came the great snowboarding debacle of 2006. Here's a pic before my class.



See how eager and innocent I look? Well, no more. Perhaps it had something to do with my age, but the Burton Learn to Ride program really didn't live up to its overwhelming endorsement on About.com.

I did well enough in the class, and managed to get on and off of the lift okay. But in the class we only went side to side down one run, stopping on each side of the hill. We barely got to turns before the class was over. Right after my lesson I had lunch, and was full of unbridled enthusiasm.

Then came the long afternoon of beating after beating. Lots and lots of falling, in slightly icy conditions. Both of my knees were completely purple. And still I kept on. That is, until after becoming rather tired and sloppy, I took two nasty knocks to the head and started seeing stars. That's pretty much when I knew I was done.

Sunday night as I examined my aches, pains and bruising (including a large triangle shaped bruise around my buttbone) I decided that I just couldn't snowboard another day.

Sunday I skied better than I had in my life, and had a great time of it. Perhaps it was all of the pillowy soft powder which made falling no big deal. Perhaps it was that I could actually get down hills without falling. All I know is that I can ski.

I guess my ridiculous dreams of doing the snowboard cross event are pretty much over. Still, next time I go I'm going to try it again...who knows...maybe it'll take the second time around.

Butter Balls

One of the many highlights of a 2-day company offsite meeting -- butter balls!

2006 Olympics Inspire Self-Proclaimed Klutz to Tackle Tahoe

pre-Tahoe photo

Yep, that's right. I'm going skiing. I went last year (the first time in more than a decade) and it was a disaster. I'm proud to report that nothing was injured except for my pride. That took a severe beating when, after mistakenly taking a double-black diamond lift, I slid down part of the mountain on my bum. That was taking too long, so ski patrol ended up towing me down. With a stern reprimand to pay attention to the lifts.

At least they didn't chastise me for literally getting on the ONLY lift that didn't have an intermediate run. That would have been over the top. Plus, I had other kids to remind me of that one.

See, I never really learned to ski. I grew up on the east coast, where skiing wasn't much more than bombing down tiny little hills. Now, I went to college in the mountains, and the skiing was a bit more perilous there. In fact, the last time I skied in college I was night skiing on ice and took a pretty hard fall whilst doing the center splits. The jagged ice practically pantsed me...

Last year in Colorado, I worked on my snow plowing technique. By the end of the weekend, I think I had pretty much mastered crossing my skis and falling splayed on my back. At least there was some powder to cushion the blow.

Of course, while watching the Olympics this year, I decided that I simply HAD to learn to snowboard. It's my responsibility to a younger generation to pave the way for girls everywhere to power down hills at breakneck speeds breaking their necks--just like the boys.

Anyway, I'm going to Tahoe Saturday. Snowboarding TBD. Wish me luck. We'll see if I'm still smiling when I get back.